What do you call a dog with no legs?
Anything you like....he still won't come
A man walked into a bar. What did he say?
Ouch.  (It was an iron bar)
A meat pie walked into a bar and was not allowed to buy a drink. Why?
The manager was not allowed to serve food.
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff.
Did you hear about the Scotsman who dropped a 10 pence piece?
When he bent down to pick it up it hit him on the head.
What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Jack.
Why are Venetian blinds so important?
If it wasn't for them it would be curtains for everybody.
Why is there no ice cubes in Ireland
The woman that had the recipe died
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician
He worked it out with a pencil
What is the Liverpool version of Silence Of The Lambs
Shut up ewes.
